


the lasers fill our minds with empty plans

by summerequinox



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Bisexual Adam Parrish, Concerts, Crushes, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Internal Monologue, M/M, Pining, Roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 12:42:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17183210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerequinox/pseuds/summerequinox
Summary: Adam Parrish’ roommate was loud. He did not speak much, that wasn’t it, no, he was loud in every other sense.Something even louder, even more distracting and even more annoying for Adam was the crush he had on Lynch.





	1. the music's not my type

It was quiet for once, in the small dorm. A rarity.

Adam Parrish’ roommate was loud. He did not speak much, that wasn’t it, no, he was loud in every other sense. 

Parrish was used to loud. The trailer had thin walls. He was used to the constant buzzing of the small tv in the living room. He was used to the creaking of the pipes in the bathroom. He was used to his father's bellowing voice in his ear. 

But this was a rather different form of loud. His roommate was different. It was horrible music blasting out of some obscenely expensive portable speaker. It was the constant beeping and buzzing of an equally (perhaps more, Adam did not like thinking about it) expensive smartphone. And it was the sheer disorganized wonderful existence of Ronan Lynch. His movements, his breathing, his scent, his self.

Something even louder, even more distracting and even more annoying for Adam was the crush he had on Lynch.

 

It was rather cliché, wasn’t it, to become enamoured with the first boy you meet at college. Maybe the relief of finally being out led to his entire being simply being eager. Because if anyone asked, he liked boys and girls and he was out. No one asked.

Adam did not know much about him. He was an art major, that much was obvious. His side of the room was a huge mess, a stark contrast to Adam’s side of the room. Blue said he was a minimalist. Adam just said he was poor. Ronan’s side of the room was filled to the brim by paint, canvas, markers, and endless other art supplies. He would be lying if he said it wasn’t distracting. Truth to be told, Adam had never been the creative type. He was analytical and calculated, not flowing and filled with own ideas he felt the need to get out. Sometimes he couldn’t help but wonder that perhaps things had been different, had his upbringing been more.. normal. Even if he was the creative type he sure as hell would not have been allowed express it. to But all of that did not mean he couldn’t admire from afar. Despite the distractingly loud process, Ronan’s finished projects were always beautiful.

Ronan had a friend. Adam knew that as well. He did not know his name, seeing as the only clue to his existence Adam had was the notifications on Ronans phone, and Ronan hadn’t been so kind to add him as his real name in his contact book. He was simply named ”Dick.” Now, Adam was not the one to snoop in someone else's phone. Or snoop anywhere, ever. Not since he accidentally opened the wrong drawer in his parents’ bedroom when he was six. But it was impossible to not look when Ronan left his phone upright in the middle of the room at all times, with the sound still on, notifications from ”Dick” pouring in.

Adam could not relate. He hadn’t heard his ringtone in five years, probably.

If there was something Ronan was vocal about, it was his phone. His hatred of it. Adam heard him call it endless names. And from the notifications Adam had read.. on accident.. he could piece together that Ronan rarely picked up or responded. If Adam did have Ronans number he would surely become extremely annoyed at the lack of response. That didn’t mean Adam did not wish he had Ronan Lynch as a contact in his phone. He did.

Initially, Adam had thought Ronan was simply very very popular, due to the constant ringing and buzzing. Ronan looked the part after all. He was handsome. It consumed Adams thoughts more often than he liked to admit. The one thing more beautiful than Ronans intricate pieces of art was the artist himself. But upon closer inspection all of the notifications came from the same person, ”Dick”. Sometimes from someone named Noah, though Adam had only seen that name once or twice. One time he caught Ronan actually using his phone, talking about someone named Matthew. But his knowledge of Ronan and his life ended there. It could be summed up in four points. And Adam wished he knew more.

1\. Ronan is an art major  
2\. Ronan loves awful techno music  
3\. Ronan has a friend titled Dick  
4\. Ronan has a lot of money  
5\. Ronan is jaw droppingly gorgeous.

(Adam enjoyed making lists)

When he thought about it, Ronan probably did not know anything about Adam either. If Ronan was just not that talkative, Adam was a mute. Adam wondered if Ronan ever thought about who his mysterious roommate was. If he tried to piece him together through small glimpses and hints. Playing with the thought, he considered what four points Ronan could’ve gathered about him.

1\. Adam is some sort of STEM-major  
2\. Adam likes....

His train of thought was interrupted. There is no way Ronan would know what type of music Adam liked, who his friends were, where he was from, really anything. Really, he was anonymous. The only things decorating his side of the room was the required reading for his classes. And a small cactus Blue had gifted him when he went off to college. Truth to be told Adam did not even know himself. Who was he without his shifts? Who was he without the trailer park? Who was he without the strive for a scholarship at a good school? He had reached his goal. He was there. He could be whoever he wanted to. Adam tried again.

1\. Adam is some sort of STEM-major  
2\. Adam is lonely  
3\. Adam is strange  
4\. Adam..

Again, his train of thought was interrupted. A loud song was blaring out of the white speaker on Ronans nightstand. He’d been so deep in his internal monologue he hadn’t even noticed that the subject of his thoughts had entered the room. Adam was brought back to reality. He became hyper aware of his presence in the real world. He felt his body against the wooden seat by his desk, he felt the pages of his book on Latin against his long fingers. He felt the smell of Ronans cologne. Adam looked up, meeting Ronan's eyes as he gave him a short nod as a greeting. Adam shot him a small wave in return, and returned his gaze to his book. Blue had texted him earlier, announcing that one of the ladies at Fox Way had seen a Latin pop quiz in his near future. Adam took their premonitions very seriously, after all.

He was helpful for any help he could get, when it came to his studies. He had been lucky enough to get a full ride, and he sure as hell would not let it go to waste. But he had read the same set of conjugations ten times now. All he could think about was the repetitive song. The pounding bass. The chopped up and distorted vocals. It was time. He had lived with Ronan for three weeks. It was goddamn time.

”Hey, Ronan..” Adam dared to say. Ronan did not look up from the painting he was working on. Ronan did most of his work on the hardwood floor of their dorm. Sometimes, Adam thought that surely drawing and painting wasn’t the only thing you did as an art major. There must’ve been some sort of.. Art History 101. Or Intro to Contemporary Art Theory ”Ronan.” Adam said again, louder this time, prompting Ronan to look up at him and lower the music on the glistening speaker. 

”Hm?”

”Could you maybe use your headphones? I need to study” Time stood still for Adam. Please do not get mad. Please.

”Oh. Okay.” Ronan said simply. The boy almost looked surprised.

Adam looked back at his book quickly. ”Thanks.” Adam heard Ronan rustle with the drawers of his desk, and then the music stop.

Peaceful silence filled the room. Why hadn’t Adam dared to do this sooner? The new Adam dared to do things. The new Adam prioritized himself. He relished in the serene quiet. Perhaps this whole roommate situation wouldn’t be so bad. Adam could focus on his studies, as well as admire Ronan and his craft, now and then. 

The next day, he passed the surprise Latin quiz with flying colors.

 

The peace, however, was disturbed a week later.


	2. i never knew i was a techno fan

”You like electronic music, right?” Ronan asked to Adam’s surprise. The answer was no, after all, but he decided against answering truthfully.

”How so?” Adam inquired.

”Just, since you didn’t seem to mind me playing it before. But uhm..” Ronan began. Adam was surprised. Hesitation and nervousness didn’t seem to be Ronans.. thing. 

”I just have these tickets to this concert slash laser show slash drug fest and my friend Gansey bailed on me, so I mean, I don’t fucking care at all but it would be a shame for them to go to waste because the tickets were expensive as shit so.. Yeah.” Ronan rambled.

Adam looked at him with wide eyes, from his seat at his desk. ”So what do you say?” Ronan asked. ”To.. To what?” Adam replied. ”Do you want to come to a concert with me? Tomorrow at 8.” 

This was the type of question that required a quick answer. Yes, that would be fun, or No, I can’t, sorry. Adam wasn’t a fan of quick decisions. He liked to consider different outcomes, analyse, think about possible tactics he could employ. Adam wished he had an hour or so to think about Ronan’s intentions. But something in him stirred when he looked into Ronan’s eyes.

”Okay. Sure.” someone said.

Adam realized that it had been him.

”Cool. See you at the bus stop by the cafeteria at 7:30 then.” Ronan replied, seeming to have regained some of his power and composure. Adam nodded. Okay. Cool. Great. What the fuck had he gotten himself into?

 

During his 8AM Calculus class, Adam thought about techno music. Or electronic music, as Ronan had called it. Perhaps there was a difference. Either way, he did not like it. In fact, he’d go so far as to say he disliked it strongly. It was noise. Annoying noise. He didn’t listen to much music, he felt he couldn’t appreciate it enough following his hearing loss. Listening to his favourite songs reminded him of the time before his injury. It reminded him of his head laying on the ground outside their home back in Henrietta and the ringing in his now deaf ear. In the end, his thoughts led to two conclusions. He did not like electronic music, but he liked Ronan Lynch.

During his 10 AM Latin class, his elective, he thought about drugs and alcohol. That was what you did before, during and after concerts, no? Especially ones with vibrant lasers and psychedelic music. Did Ronan do drugs? He visualized it for a minute. In the image in his head Ronan didn’t look totally out of place with a brightly colored pill on his extended tongue. He thought about kissing him at the same time. He’d seen that in a foreign tv-show with Blue once. But the thought of doing it with Ronan sent shivers down his spine. Adam had never touched drugs, and he had only had bad experiences with alcohol. But perhaps in this situation, it could be helpful to loosen up. Become a little more.. talkative. Even if he might regret it the morning after. Maybe the new Adam did drugs with pretty boys at concerts.

 

During lunch, Adam thought about Ronan.

 

The rest of his classes passed by too fast. Suddenly, the clock was five and it was all going way too quickly for his tastes. When he returned to his dorm, Ronan was not there. He breathed a sigh of relief. Adam could wallow in his misery in peace.

Besides the cactus, Blue had also sent a bottle of cheap vodka with him on the bus that took him to campus. ”For when you become a frat boy.” she had said, and pressed it into his hands with a kiss on his forehead.

It was tucked away under his twin bed. Adam pulled it out, looking at the bottle in his arms. No way in hell he was pronouncing the name of it. He decided to read the label on the back, to stall while he decided on whether or not to drink some it. It was pretty short. Did not buy him much time. God, Adam wasn’t like this. He wasn’t this nervous, ever. He hadn’t been this nervous about his first date with Blue. Date.. Was this a date? Oh god now he had to think about that too. Thoughts raced and spiraled out of his control. Adam screwed off the cork and took a shot straight out of the bottle.

 

 

Adam was heading to the bus stop, only a little buzzed. Alcohol still scared him. The time was exactly 7:29 when Adam reached the dimly lit bus stop. Sure enough, Ronan was sitting there already. He had his leather jacket on, his hair looked freshly buzzed, the dark circles around his eyes could rival Adam’s own pair and Ronan appeared absolutely heavenly to him.

Adam was in deep.

”Adam!” Ronan said with a bright grin. ”Didn’t think you’d show up.” 

Adam smiled, sitting down next to Ronan on the bench. He noticed something between them, a bottle wrapped in something crinkly. Oh. Oh. It appears it had been a wise choice to have a little bit to drink, because Ronan had consumed a lot.

”Wouldn’t miss it.” Adam said with a small smile. 

”You look good, Parrish.” Ronan said with a bright smile. Adam would have blushed, if he didn’t possess the amount of self control he had.

”You look good too.” he decided to say, as the bus rolled up to the stop. ”Let’s fucking go, Parrish.” Ronan said with a wickedly excited grin, taking his hand. Adam’s heart stopped, but Ronan did not seem to think much of it. He merely dragged Adam onto the bus, payed his fare, and sat them down at the back of the vehicle before Adams heart had the chance to start pumping again. When Adam looked back on that night, he didn’t remember his body relaxing again before they entered the location of the show.

The lights were intense. Adam had sort of hoped it would’ve been dark in the venue, to help with his anxiety over his outfit choice. He threw another look at Ronan. He’d been stealing looks all night, ever since he saw him at the bus stop. Some more lingering the others. Ronan’s eyes were bright and his grin was big. He was loving this, Adam could tell that much for sure. Adam could feel the bass in his chest, pumping. The lights were blinding but beautiful, as they danced across the large theatre. Ronan was smiling, and dancing, and he didn’t seem to have a care in the world. Awe and jealousy, was what Adam felt. He wanted to feel like that too. He did not want to feel tired. Tightly strung. He wanted to feel loud. As loud as the music. 

Ronan shouted something towards him, he felt the warmth hit his cheek, but the words were lost during the journey to Adam’s deaf ear. Ronan wrapped his arm tightly around Parrish, pulling him in. He felt like his body was on fire.

 

Adam could see the appeal of this type of music now. For sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by the song Techno Fan by the wombats


End file.
